Jealousy.
Today, for the first time in a long time, i actual felt a tad bit jealous. i hate it. i trust you with all my heart. its not you I’m jealous of, its what i wish i had. its what i lack. its the fact that i feel like im going to lose you in time and its all because of me. theres so much i want to do with you, so much i wanna do FOR you, lifes just killing me. i dont have all the energy that “life” is demanding from me and i feel that if i take effort away from one aspect, i am going to fail in another, and i can’t afford to do that, i cant live with that. i wanna go out, i wanna spend time, but i dont have the energy most of the time, and when i choose to go anyway, im usually irritable, and that is a side i never want people to see. im unsatisfied with what i am capable of giving in this relationship, and i dont know if you have the patience to be find satisfaction in me. it scares the shit out of me and its one time i can ever say, i feel insecure. i love you so much, and i wanna give you the world. but if i lose you, i know itll be my fault.
